I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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