girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
