You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my poor anus
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
