my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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