So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
