we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
