apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
zippers are such a cool invention
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
