Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
