Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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