hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
