I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
