maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
