So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
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Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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