Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
