Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
