Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
