carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
