Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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