Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
