girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
where are my eyebrows?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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