Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
