Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
