I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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