Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
