I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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