Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Acid is not a monday night drug
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
