I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
