I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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