I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
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it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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