not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
