i already hear my dad disowning me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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