mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
