I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
