so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
where are my eyebrows?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
