I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize