we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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