i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
