She is in my trunk
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
