My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
