so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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