I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
