Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
