Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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