Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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