Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
