Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You smell like stripper and shame
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
