i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
