Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
