Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize