maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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