I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
