I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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