I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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