Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
