he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
