do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
