so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
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my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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