we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
