so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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