Do you still have your period?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
