your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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