She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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