either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
