Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
