i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So vagazzling was a success
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
jump out the window naked night went bad
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
