turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
