Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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