You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
