I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
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He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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