I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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