So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I puked a lego.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
