I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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