she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize