He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
